My Interior Monologue about Writing
By Camila Marcone | Published on September 20, 2023
“I ask to be divinely inspired to write at this moment. Writing, like grace, is external to me and can only be given.”
Step 12: An attitude of pious prostration
“Write economically and don’t make sweeping generalizations that your readers will be keen to disprove. Don’t say things that are too new because they might be wrong. In other words, be sensible”.
Step 11: Short, sensible, and subdued speech
“Writing is serious business. It is the most important thing you are doing right now and you should be serious about it.”
Step 10: Abstinence from frequent laughter
“I shouldn’t write anything unless I’m asked. When I give a great conference paper someone will ask me to submit it to their journal or contribute to their edited collection.”
Step 9: Reticence until questioned
“There is one particular and superior way to go about writing: every day and first thing in the morning. If I’m not doing that I’m not really making writing a habit.”
Step 8: Observance of ordinary monastic rule
“I’m not an expert yet so what could I possibly have to say?”
Step 7: Belief and statement of inferiority to others.
“I’m lucky to be in this position. I somehow swindled the university into paying me to write.”
Step 6: Admission and acknowledgement of unworthiness.
“I didn’t write as much during this summer as I was supposed to!”
Step 5: Confession of sins
“I know that I’m supposed to show my writing to other people. This will be a torturous process.”
Step 4: Endurance of hardship in the spirit of obedience.
“I should accept every edit, comment, or suggestion my mentor makes on face. They know better so I shouldn’t argue any points they make.”
Step 3: Obedient submission to a superior.
“I shouldn’t do anything fun before my big writing deadlines. My personal desires are second to my writing goals.”
Step 2: Forbearance to press personal desire
“Not writing is a sin. My motivation to write comes from fear, fear of disappointing my mentors or myself, fear of not getting a job, fear of not finishing the PhD on time.”
Step 1: Constant abstinence from sin for fear of God.
I never aspired to be a writer. I don’t consider myself creative in that way. I’m better in person and I like props. What I hoped to show through this exercise with Bernard of Clairvaux’s “Steps to Humility” is the inner voice that keeps me from writing. Thinking more intentionally about my writing has allowed me to better mark the line between excessive humility and fear. To understand humility as an attitude that has a time and a place rather than an intrinsic virtue. Over the past ten days I have used Irina’s three prompts to kick off my writing sessions: “What I know is…” “What I don’t know is…” and “What I really want to say is…”. I tried (and failed!) to write at least a little every day. I tried (and succeeded!) to write from a place of excitement and possibility rather than a place of fear. What I learned about myself is that I know a lot more than I thought, what I don’t know I can find out, and that what I really want to say is exciting and important. What I want to ask is: how can we ditch the humility to cultivate better relationships with ourselves as writers?
